Convinced

My incredibly horrible Tuesday started off with Jeff and I fighting about my job/our money situation. It's the same fight we've had since I started working for the Coalition and it's the same fight we'll have till either he gets a job or something else comes up for me. The problem with that last part is this: just like anyone else I know in the Village, I've turned in, at least, 40 applications to places around Johnson City and have been turned down by each of them (or not called back, which is the same thing). To me, the Coalition is an incredible blessing. To Jeff, it's not making ends meet. Don't get me wrong: I've still been looking for a job that will help us out a bit more (if that means a full-time job, then I'll make time to volunteer at the Rock), but...there's a still-small voice inside of me that tells me I'm not done at the Coalition just yet and I believe it. I heard this voice once before, when I found out my parents were getting divorced, and chose to ignore it, only to be told the very next day (by my dad) that my parents were indeed getting divorced. I know this voice is God and I can't ignore it. If He's telling me that there's still work for me at the Coalition, then I'll work there as long as He needs me to. I have absolutely no problem with that. I love my job, love the kids I tutor, and I love all of my co-workers (even the ones I'm just now getting to know better). No, I don't make much money, but I know in my heart of hearts that this is where God wants me and, if that's the case, then I know He's blessing my family through the work I'm doing. This is one of those times when I'm actually glad I can't see the bigger picture because I'm so incredibly happy with the smaller picture. 

"If our minds are ruled by our desires, we will die. But if our minds are ruled by the Spirit, we will have life and peace." --Romans 8:6

Thankful

"I am thankful

that I'm incapable

of doing any

good on my own."

Thankful - Caedmon's Call

As most of you know, Jeff, Tyler, and I made the trip to Indiana last weekend to celebrate Thanksgiving with our families.  For me (I'm not sure about Jeff), the holidays are a bit bittersweet.  It's good to be with my families, but it's nice to be back home (a.k.a. Tennessee).  This Thanksgiving vacation, I had the special privilege of attending the baby shower of an old high school friend (for you Pendleton folk, Melissa Turner a.k.a. Melissa Blake).  I believe that Melissa and I hadn't seen each other since her high school graduation...that's a long time!  I was extremely glad to see her, in all her pregnant radiance, and to also see her sister, Angie, and Kristin Campbell (a.k.a. Monaghan).  The shower was fantastic, but that's, unfortunately, not the point of this post.  

After the shower, I had a nice 40 minute drive back to dad's house with plenty of time to think in between.  A couple of my favorite songs came on the radio which help spur my reminiscing.  Many of you don't know how I became a Christian so I'm going to share a bit about my transformation.  Before high school, my best friend was Andrea Taylor.  She was an awesome girl and we were thick as thieves.  Her parents were amazing and her dad was the pastor at the Methodist church in downtown Pendleton.  I obviously didn't know it then, but God was working on my heart through Andrea's friendship.  Andrea moved away after our freshman year of high school so I was a bit in between friends and didn't really have a "best" friend anymore.  

Freshman year, I decided to try out for the girls' soccer team.  I made it (luckily) and started creating some new friendships.  One of those friendships was with Julia Wilson.  Unfortunately for Julia, she's not the main character in this short story, but she was the catalyst.  Julia attended Southern Heights Christian Church (right?) in Anderson where Melissa's (yep, the girl from the beginning) dad was the youth pastor.  I remember going to the Blake's house (when they lived out in the country) and watching a couple of Christian movies, playing tag/hide-and-seek outside, spending the night, then going to Mounds Park the next day.  That was my first taste of youth group, and church really (my family isn't a religious one), and my introduction to the Blake family.

My second memorable youth group experience happened in the summer after my sophomore year.  I was dating Luke Nevins at the time and he was the catalyst this time.  The youth group was having a cookout at one of the youth staff's houses (I can't remember what the dinners were called..."home" something) and Luke asked me to go.  He forgot to mention that I'd be seeing about five fellow soccer teammates so I'd know more people than just Luke.  Pastor Eric's teaching was so inspiring, and relatable, that I made a conscious decision to go to youth group again after that night.  Well, seeing as most high school relationships don't last long, Luke and I broke up shortly after that.  By this time, though, I was already attending Sunday morning service at Markleville North Christian Church.  What kept me at the church wasn't just my friends (Sara, Jen, Laura, Emily, Stacey, Kari, Ashley H...); it was my curiosity to learn more about what Mr. Blake and Pastor Eric were talking about.  

God always has a plan.  You may not know what it is at the moment, or you might not even like it, but He knows what He's doing.  This Thanksgiving I thank God for each one of you who made even the smallest of differences in my beginning years as a Christian.  I pray that He blesses you greatly during this holiday season.  

Haunted (Part 2)

"We suffer primarily not from our vices or our weaknesses, but from our illusions.  We are haunted, not by reality, but by those images we have put in their place."  

--Daniel J. Boorstin

When I was 6, my family moved into an old two-story house in the Wilson family's hometown of Ingalls.  It was a large house with a basement that expanded the length of the house underground.  The house had old books and trinkets left behind by the old couple that used to live there.  I found that much fascinating because they were things I could treasure.  What I couldn't truly treasure were the things I found in the basement (which included an antique film camera).  I was so afraid that ghosts lived in the shadows of that basement that, if I did venture down there, I only stayed in lit areas.  To this day, I'm still a bit frightened by the idea of having a ghost dwell in my living space.  I realized just last night, though, that a ghost (or rather a few ghosts) do dwell in my living space because I allow them.  My past is riddled with ghosts that I let haunt and torture me.  Most of them small enough to pass over, but a few that stand in my face and scream at me.  Yesterday, I decided to come face to face with one of these ghosts and shoot a shotgun shell full of salt at it (thank Supernatural for that one).  Though I know the ghost hasn't been completely vanquished, I know I did it a world of hurt.  I didn't do it on my own, though.  I know that God did the majority of the work and I am immensely thankful for that.  God has the ultimate authority over my ghosts and without Him, I'd be an absolute lost cause.  

Quick Update

For those of you that have been following my job hunting/finding progress, I'd like you to know that I decided to quit Lifetouch.  I hadn't truly started working there yet, but something keeps telling me that it wasn't the right choice.  I also feel like it will become more of a financial strain rather than a financial gain (I'd get paid to drive to and from the schools, but not to and from work, which is an additional 60 minutes total).  With that, I'm back on the market for another job.  I've got an interview with Sears on Saturday and I've been a bit more careful this time around in choosing which jobs are actually legit and which aren't.  Please pray that my interview with Sears goes well Saturday morning!

As for the job I'm actually working, it's going great!  I absolutely love my kids, even if they like to argue about not doing their homework.  For the first week, I was a floating tutor, which meant that I helped whoever needed it.  Recently, though, we had a staff member quit so I'm now tutoring 4th and 5th graders, which also happens to be the largest grade group (15 kids total).  It's been a real patience test, but I'm doing really well with it so far.  I think my 5 years of dealing with drunk 40-somethings acting like 12 year olds is paying off ;) .  

Tyler did two things today: he came in the house all by himself (we usually have to haul him in kicking and screaming) and he started pointing his finger at things on the book we were reading.  We're so proud of him!  He's also doing much better at Sunday school.  The teachers say he doesn't fuss as much after we leave and that he's getting along well with the other kids.  This is pretty big, to us, seeing as Tyler never went to daycare and has never really had any playmates (til now).  Pretty soon we'll be hearing words :) .

Last bit...I ran about 1.35 miles in 10:33 tonight! :D If it wasn't for my side splint, I could've done 2 miles, but it was killing me.  My goal this weekend is to run two miles consecutively.  I had to stop twice when I ran on Sunday, but that's because I was still a bit on the sick side.  I'm mostly recovered now, though my throat is still getting very dry so I'm not over it yet.  

I hope everyone's had a great week!!

Invasion (Part 1)

"The Holy Spirit led Jesus into the desert, so that the devil could test him."

--Matthew 4:1

One of my favorite authors is Frank Peretti.  He has this amazing gift of telling stories about sin and the influences of sin.  In most of his novels, the sin seems to be the person's (or people's) choice, but a few of his novels dive into the world of angels and demons and their influence on our thoughts/actions.  My question is simple (ha...right): how much do angels and demons really influence us?  After reading This Present Darkness and Piercing the Darkness, one would think that angels and demons have an incredible impact on our lives.  Is this true?  I'm not doubting that the unseen powers have tremendous influence.  In fact, I'm extremely fascinated by angels and demons and stories about them (thank Peretti and the TV show Supernatural for that).  I'm curious due to (1) a temptation that started in high school and (2) my battle with depression (these are my two biggest sins/problems).  Do Satan's captains have a hand in either of these things?  Do the Guard stand by and watch as the demons do their worst?  Do I have to make the conscious effort of fending off the demons before the angels, or God Himself, intervene?  I realize these questions will most likely never be answered on Earth, but these are questions I've had for a while and can't seem to get away from.  

After reading Matthew chapter 4, I've noticed a few things that partially answer a couple of the aforementioned questions:  

-Satan tempted Jesus a few times, telling me that Satan and his crew do have a good deal of influence among Earth.  I'm not saying that everything evil is/has been influenced by Satan, but that his influence is strong.  If that's the case, then I'd like to assume that the angels also have a strong influence in this world.  

-Satan can create and exploit temptation.  He doesn't do this all of the time (sometimes our temptations are our own doings), but he certainly has his hand in the cookie jar, so to speak.  

-Jesus fought off Satan with scripture and, ultimately, faith.  Jesus quoted several OT passages with the last, and most explosive, one being, "Worship the Lord your God and serve only him".  Matthew 4:11 then states that Satan left and the angels appeared at Jesus' side to help him.  This passage makes me believe that we indeed have to be the first to act against our sin and demons before God and his Guard will intervene.  

God won't abandon us in our time of need, but we must first recognize that we are in need.  

"I cannot live, I can't breathe unless you do this with me."

-Angels and Airwaves, The Adventure

Raw

raw (adj.)  1. a. Being in a natural condition; not processed or refined.  b. Not finished, covered, or coated.  2. Recently finished; fresh.  

Sometimes I wonder why I choose the music I prefer to listen to.  The most listened to genre in my music arsenal is most definitely alternative/metal.  What in the world ever influenced me to listen to these types of music?  It all starts with my dad.  My dad's been a classic rock fan since high school (so I've been told).  From there, he started listening to bands like Metallica a little more casually in the car or at home.  I think that's where it started for me, too.  One of my first CDs was Metallica's "Load".  After that, I started listening to X103 (which is Indy's premiere alternative radio station).  I had a couple of friends who were into Bush and some of those guys, but I was always hypnotized by the harder rock gurus.  In high school, I was pretty much the only one of my friends that listened to alternative/metal bands.  Some of my guy friends listened to the same stuff, but my girl friends listened to easier rock (which I have no problem with...yeah Coldplay!).  Still...I couldn't shake the alternative riffs out of my body.  In college, my love of Christian alternative expounded into a fairly solid collection of CDs.  I think Jonathan and Katie Jenkins were the start of that (thanks a million!).  

Now...to ease your wonderings as to why there are definitions of the word "raw" at the top, continue reading :).  I truly and honestly believe that the real reason I listen to so much alt/metal is because it is, by the definitions at the top, raw.  It conveys such a sense of earthiness that I just can't help but dig into it.  At the same time, alt/metal music also has a freshly finished quality to it.  There's always a new way to rearrange the chords of one song to make it sound completely different, yet there's no other song that sounds like it. 

Raw, yet refined.  That's what I yearn to become.  I already know that I am someone who wears her heart on her sleeve and speaks her mind without thinking (this happens a bit too often sometimes), but I am also someone who wants to become more practiced in areas of compassion and patience, truth and love.  In order to do so, I need to dig into the rawness of Jesus.  Oh yes...Jesus was raw.  He wasn't afraid to dive into the pits of the societies just to reach one soul.  Jesus was also a very patient, compassionate, honest, and loving man.  He got dirty, but did so with a smile on His face and an immense love in His heart.  

Jesus was raw.

Recent Activity

This week marks the first week of work with the Coalition.  So far, it's been a blast!!!  The kids are great!  The one's I've worked with (3rd and 1st graders) are willing to learn and know that they have to finish their homework before they can go play.  The 1st graders are so darn adorable!  Tomorrow should be fun :).

This past weekend, several Emmanuel students/faculty and families went to Lake Junaluska, North Carolina, for retreat.  It was gorgeous, to say the least!  I would absolutely love to go back there for another small vacation.  It's about an hour and a half away from here so that's not a bad trip at all.  We didn't get to explore much of the area around it, but if there were a mall and such, I could probably convince the in-laws to take a trip down with us ;).

In home news, I got an email from Michael the other day about an old member of the Campus House.  His name is Malcolm Richards and, if you know him, be very careful around him.  Those of us who know a bit about Malcolm's history with the Campus House know that his current offenses aren't the first offenses he's ever committed (just ask Michael H., Tad, or Jeff).  The crime he recently committed was claiming to have a bomb strapped to himself to gain an officer's gun and squad car in Pewaukee, Wisconsin.  I can't really say that I'm surprised, but the one thing I find incredibly fascinating is how much Malcolm's story is like the antagonist's plot lines of Frank Peretti's The Visitation.  Strange, yet interesting.  Please, pray for Malcolm.

I hope everyone's had a great start to their week!  I know I have :D

Laurel Falls

For sure, you have to be lost to find a place that can't be found, elseways everyone would know where it was.
--Captain Barbossa

Funny story. I wanted to visit Laurel Falls and take some pictures. Naturally, I looked up some trails that would lead to the falls. I found a promising trail that left from Dennis Cove Road in Hampton. I followed the guy's instructions online...or so I thought. I ended up wandering around the Appalachian Trail for about 2 hours until I found two men and a woman (they weren't the first people I saw, but the first one's who knew how to get to the falls). We walked for another 15-20 minutes and there they were. I was told by one of the men (Rusty, who hikes back there once a month) that I'd missed the trail leading down to the falls. Apparently, I missed it twice seeing as I did some backtracking. Getting back to my car from the falls didn't take nearly as long as getting there, but it was worth the trip. Below is the best picture (I think) I took of the falls. This won't be the last picture of the falls either :).


Have a great Sunday everyone!

Hebrews 11:1

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

Hebrews 11:1

This morning I had my first interview with Coalition for Kids (a.k.a. the Rock) and I have to say that it went really well. Jeff helping me out a bit yesterday (mostly giving me pointers of "dos" and "don'ts") and my own preparation in the shower this morning truly paid off. Coldplay also helped to keep my nerves down in the car on my way there :). I have a second interview tomorrow morning at 10:30 with the director of the Rock. I met him briefly after my interview today and he seems like a really awesome guy. He's a bit hard around the edges, but that doesn't intimidate me whatsoever. In fact, I knew a youth pastor in high school who reminds me of Randy (the director) and he was the biggest teddy bear I'd ever met. Randy seems like he might be very blunt in his faith and, well, everything, but, again, that's just fine with me.

I truly hope that I get this job. Not only will it be some income (finally), but it will also be incredible experience for me if I wish to continue my psychology/counselor path of life. The kids that I'd be tutoring are "at-risk" kids, which will be a challenge, but an awesome challenge at that. The down side is that the job starts out at minimum wage ($6.55/hour), but I was told there are pay increases depending on your level of experience, education, etc., so I'm hoping (and fervently praying) that, if I do land this job, I'll get a pay increase shortly thereafter. I do plan on looking for another job to supplement because at $6.55/hour for 15 hours/week, we're not going to be making ends meet well. The scholarship that Jeff received will definitely help, but, again, I'd really hate to have to dip into the hard-earned money that Jeff has saved up for his schooling.

Overall, I need to remember one thing: I'm totally not in control of this. God has His mighty hand everywhere and I'm trying my best to lean solely on Him and forget my own ambitions. Hebrews 11 is where the definition of faith comes from. Following are several examples of faith from the Old Testament. The author of Hebrews (whoever they are) makes it a point to note that not one of the examples of faith lived a glorious life. This fact needs to be a constant reminder because God won't give me exactly what I want; instead, He'll give me exactly what He knows I need.

Running and Recent Developments

Today I ran the most I've run since high school. It wasn't anything big, but about 1/2 to 3/4 of a mile to the gym, then 2.35 miles on the elliptical. I finished the workout with a nice routine of arm exercises and squats (to ice the cake ;) ). I could barely walk up the stairs when I got home, but it's incredibly worth it. I really want to get myself back into shape and Michele's just the person to do it: she's older (thus wiser) than me, she's in really good shape herself, and she has a nice competitive edge. The perfect workout partner :). I can't wait till Wednesday!

Since I still have quite a bit of downtime, I've been working on some more icons. The current series is a bit nerdy, seeing as they are Harry Potter icons, but I'm flexing my GIMP muscles and really giving them my best shot. Below are the finished icons so far.

Closed Folder (Harry's trunk)

My Computer (Dumbledore's pensieve)

Internet (Harry's Firebolt)
Recycle Bin - Empty (empty cauldron)Recycle Bin - Full (cauldron with potion)

There are plenty more on the way so keep an eye out for them :). Please continue to pray for the job situation down here. I still don't have one and am still desperately searching for one. Please pray for God's timing.

Have a great week!

Progression

I think Michele is my new resistance against heart disease.

Being Labor Day, Jeff and I, naturally, bummed around most of the day. I did manage to shift gears around 6 to get ready to go work out with Michele. For those of you who don't know Michele, let me take some time to introduce you to her. Michele is married and has a 15-month old little girl, Isabelle, who is absolutely gorgeous. She's a very good playmate for Tyler seeing as Tyler never had any playmates his age (yes, Ava, but she's 8 months older than Ty). Michele is also a runner. She runs good distances each time she goes for a run. Me, on the other hand...one and a half miles and I'm wasted. Needless to say, I've finally found a workout partner to aspire to instead of being someone else's aspiration (no offense, Haley). My workout tonight was great! I "ran" two and a half miles on the elliptical, then hit the weights. I was drenched afterward, but it was completely worth it. My only real qualm was not having anything to really look at for 30 minutes on the elliptical. At Irving, there were several TV's, and other people, that I could pay attention to. At Milligan, it's like being back in my old high school gym: just weights, not much else. I don't mind not having a TV, but it's kind of awkward (to me, anyway) staring at a stack of fold-up chairs :P. It'll just take some getting used to, I'm sure.

I hope everyone's enjoyed their Labor Day!


*NOTE: Michele - sorry I sound like a huge geek. I'm just very inspired by your running prowess :).

Personal Attention

Alex, Jamie, Jeff, Tyler, and I were invited to have dessert with some of the faculty and students of Emmanuel tonight. This soiree was at one of the faculty member's houses. It was great!! The house was amazing and filled with many different artifacts and furniture pieces from different cultures. There was a really good selection of sundae goodies, which I took pretty good advantage of ;). We went around the Sweeney residence living room and made introductions. Along with our introductions, we had to state one thing that brings us satisfaction. Naturally ;), I stated playing bass guitar. It was fun to hear the others satisfactory hobbies/desires, especially the teachers. It was good to hear that they truly enjoy seeing people learn and grow by something they taught. It was awesome. As is becoming usual, Tyler was the center of attention and stole their hearts. Everybody loved him :). Lots of good times. I especially felt warmed by the idea that these faculty members are devoted to a personal relationship with each of their students. I really feel like this is going to be a great experience for Jeff and I can't wait to be a small part of it.

The Search Continues...

15

Not my favorite number, but awfully close.

Currently, this number represents the number of times I have emailed my resume out to prospective job openings.
_________________________________________________________________

6

The number of times I've received an email back, stating that the position had already been filled or I wasn't what the company was looking for (not to sound haughty, but, really?).
_________________________________________________________________

I don't understand. I don't know what I'm missing or what God's doing, but whatever He's doing, it's, obviously, driving me nuts. I don't like applying this many times and only hearing back from half of the companies. That's just not fun. That makes me feel like people are reading my resume (maybe...hopefully), then discarding it and not emailing me with an appropriate rejection response. The positions that I've applied to so far have all been full-time positions. I realize that I *might* be asking a bit much to receive a position like this, but a full-time job (with benefits, no less) is, essentially, what I need. If I can't get a full-time position, then Plan B is two part-time positions. It would still be, generally, the same amount of income minus the benefits. Please, please pray that God's will would be done here, and not mine. I know He's driving me nuts, but that's His plan and I know He's got an "after" plan waiting for me.

Technology

I got the chance to talk to my mamaw and papaw (dad's mom and dad) tonight via webcam. I've been talking to dad since last week. We had to iron out a few kinks, on both ends, before we could get everything to work right, but we finally got it. What's funny about talking to my mamaw and papaw via webcam is how amazed they are with it. To someone, like me, who's been using one for a few years now, it's nothing that spectacular. To them, it's "like the Jetsons. Remember that cartoon, Tosh?". How could I forget the Jetsons? That was one of my favorite cartoons to watch growing up. I loved the fact that, even for a kids show, the positive and negative sides of technology were portrayed. In fact, I think the Jetsons is the reason I became so interested with our computer when my parents bought our first one. I was extremely glad to see the huge smiles on my mamaw and papaw's faces when they could see Tyler and I on dad's computer screen. What a sight! I was glad to make their evening that much brighter.

Best birthday ever (so far)? Maybe...

Though I didn't really do much, yesterday was a great day. I woke up with Tyler at 8:30; started getting tired around 10, so I took a nap until 1:30 :P; got up, worked on my icons for a bit (yes, they ruled my life, but it was a fun and educational ruling); showered; went to Walmart to buy myself the newest Third Day CD :D and a few other odds and ends; met Jeff and Tyler at Applebee's and burnt the roof of my mouth on my favorite dessert (it was soooo worth it, though); came home and threw a football around with Jeff while Tyler giddily (?) ran around us; read some more of Breaking Dawn :P; crashed in bed. All throughout the day I received about 20 (I think...maybe more) birthday wishes on facebook and my phone. It was truly just a great day. Oh, and I should note that Applebee's wasn't just for my birthday. Jeff received a letter in the mail Monday stating that he was one of four recipients to receive a one year scholarship, from Emmanuel, paying his entire tuition. Needless to say, the both of us were incredibly shocked, but we know it was God's way of saying, "You belong here. Keep looking for jobs, but, in the mean time, I've got school covered." We're both still a bit in shock about it, but it's a joyous shock. Please, though, be praying that I can find a job swiftly. I've been doing my fair share of searching (I didn't do any yesterday since it was my birthday ;) ), and have found a few that might work out, but they're in Kingsport (which is 30 minutes away). I'd really like to be able to find a job in JC. I know God's watching. He's waiting to spring His perfect will on us (whether or not I find a job in JC).

Thanks, again, to everyone for the birthday wishes!!!

Job vs. Dream

Because Jeff will be focusing on school for the next 4-5 years, it will be my turn to be the breadwinner. I'm completely fine with this notion and I'm actually looking forward to getting back into the working world. It was great to be with Tyler for the first year of his life, but it's time to switch gears. Plus, if (and most likely) Tyler is sent to a daycare, he's old enough now that he won't be as vulnerable to certain illnesses that could've affected him more as a newborn. During my job hunting this morning, an ad for a bass guitarist caught my attention, naturally. The ad said, "Bass guitarist for local Contemporary Christian band". Now...here's where things get tricky: I'd LOVE LOVE LOVE to be in a band, even if it were just a church worship band, because I truly miss the atmosphere, but what happens if the band were to, say, make it big? Would I follow my dream and leave a steady job behind? Or do I check out the band with a job already in the works and make the band gig a back-up? If the bass position gets filled next week, then I don't have a chance with them, but another chance may come up. I really feel like God wants me to do something musically because everytime I play, my heart goes nuts and my soul gets satisfied.

Any thoughts?

Happy Friday!

Settling

We finally made it down to Tennessee this past Saturday. We've got mostly everything set up, but there are still a few odds and ends that need to be addressed. I knew that we'd end up buying quite a bit of new stuff, once we moved down here, but I never realized how much we'd get. We got curtains for almost all of the windows, rugs for the downstairs floor (it's all tile), blinds for the 1/2 bath, stair gates, shower curtains, bathroom rugs, etc. Don't get me wrong: I'm not complaining that we accumulated so many new items, but stuff does tend to take a toll on one's budget after a period of time. We were fortunate enough, though, to have Jeff's parents help us buy a few of said items. I can say, though, that it's finally starting to look, and feel, like home. Sure, the apartment in Muncie was home for 2 years, but I never really felt like it. We've been down here since Saturday and we're already getting a few "Hey, Yoders!" as we drive by on our way out of the Village. It's a wonderful feeling. Sarah, Waylon: you two have been great to us the past few months. We're really going to miss you guys (especially once HP6 comes out :P ), but we promise to keep in touch.

I hope everyone's having a fantastic day!